My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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