Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
