I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
