I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
