ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
