no, he came in my armpit
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
