This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
