My liver just broke up with me...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
