Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
