It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
