connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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