Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
