Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize