I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize