and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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