There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
