I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
