You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
