remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
