We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
