Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
