I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
