I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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