I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
