I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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