So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
don't judge my taste in strippers
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
