if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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