Taylor Swift is so right about you.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
