i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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