Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
