I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
