haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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