everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
