i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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