and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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