No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
