I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
