I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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