In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
