Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
