guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
