I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
