Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize