I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
