Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
