Three words: puerto rican gang bang
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So much rum. So many feels.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
