There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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