i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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