Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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