I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
