Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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