Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
