I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your cock deserves a montage
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
