dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
