:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
