I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
