So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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