my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
