I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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