every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
