i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
