You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
