apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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