remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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