Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
