Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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