So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
