so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
