Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
