hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
