There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
