She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
