if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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