Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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