I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
