you're like a bully in the Christmas story
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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