clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
