I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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