my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
