My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
