I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
