so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
