shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize