but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
