ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
