is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Houston, we have a blender
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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